My Fractured Fairy Tale

Goldilocks vs. The Three Bears Case

Recorded by: James Walton

            “I didn’t mean to cause trouble. It was an honest mistake. Don’t let them hurt me. Please. I beg of you. They overreacted really. They stretched the truth.  Just listen to what really happened.

            I was out for a walk so I could pick some berries to add to my porridge for breakfast, but I got to far away and was lost. I started to cry and just kept walking in the direction I was going hoping I would be going the right way. Then up ahead I saw my house; at least what I had thought was my house. We’ll get back to that later. I walked into the house and saw 3 bowls of porridge on the table. But no one was home I assumed that my parents had gone out for a walk too and weren’t home yet. When I tried the first bowl it was far too hot. Ouch! It burned my tongue! I knew that was the way papa liked his porridge very warm so I thought that was his. I tried the next bowl. Brrr! Far too cold! I knew that mama like her porridge cold so I thought it was hers. So I tried the next bowl of porridge. Yum! It was just right I added my strawberries and enjoyed the bowl. I went to sit down in the living room. I sat in a big wooden chair. Ouch! It was far too hard! “This is papa’s chair,” I thought. I went and sat in the medium size chair covered in pink cushions. Oof! Far too soft! I assumed it was mamas. I went and sat in the smallest chair. Perfect! I loved it! Then Snap! it broke underneath me.   Yawn… I was getting tired. I decided to go upstairs to sleep. I jumped in the first bed. Ouch!! It was made of a hard rough wood that I don’t even think had been sanded because I now have all kinds of splinters. I thought that was papas. I tried the next one. “Aaah!” I screamed. I was soft, fluffy, and cushy. I was pulled into a black hole consisting of pink and purple pillows and blankets.  “That is obviously mama’s,” I thought aloud. I tried that last bed. Phew! I sunk straight into the quick sands of sleep. I awoke to an awful ROAR!! When I opened my eyes I screamed from the shock of seeing the murky brown of the three bears fur. I ran straight past the bears and out the door all the while worrying that the bears would come and eat me alive. My fears were intensified when I looked back and saw the biggest bear was less than an inch away from my face.” Said Goldilocks towards the jury.

“I object!” screamed papa bear. “I didn’t try to hurt that dangerous little thief!!” exclaimed papa bear. “You need to hear my side of the story judge,” said papa bear.

“Proceed,” said the judge.

“My wife, mama bear, accidentally made the family’s porridge a little to warm, so we went out for a walk and gathered some stuff to add to it. We got strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, mulberries, honey, and more. When we got home I noticed the lock on the door had been broken. When I went inside to go eat my porridge some of it was missing. So was my wife’s and baby bear’s was all gone. So we decided to go sit and calm down in the living room and I saw a library card on my seat. My wife saw a berry stain on hers. Then baby bear cried out, “Someone sat in my chair and broke it!”  I was getting tired by now so I wanted to go to bed so we meandered up stairs. I found a scratch on my bed and new someone had lain there.  My wife’s blankets and pillows were all messed up. Then we heard baby bear yell,” Someone was sleeping in my bed and is still here!” We ran into his room just in time to see an angry looking girl threatening my son. When I ran into the room she screeched, “Get out of my house!”

“You’re an intruder in our house little girl,” I said as calmly as I could.

“I’ll get you all for this!” she screamed as she ran hurriedly out of the house.”

“Lies!!!!!” shrieked Goldilocks. 

“Order in the court!” commanded the judge banging his gavel.

“Decision from the jury?” queried the judge.

“Goldilocks is found guilty of thievery and of destruction of property,” replied the jury, “ and Papa Bear is found guilty of harassment on all charges.”

“No! I will not be taken to jail!” cried Papa Bear steam rolling everyone in his road to the door.

“Stop Papa!” yelled Baby Bear. In the instant Papa Bear stopped to listen to Baby Bear the bailiff had him in handcuffs. Goldilocks pulled out a Denix Luger P08 Parabellum and shot around the courtroom she. She hit the judge, Big Bad Wolf, with a bullet in the tail and Little Red Riding Hood in the heart.  

"No one puts me in jail!" cackled Goldilocks as she rode off on her Harley Davidson. But, her gas line had been cut. She got 10 feet from the court house and was arrested by the police and put in jail for life.